A daughter returns home to help her dying mother

By W C ( Contact )   December 22, 2009 - 1:43 p.m.

Editor's note: The Time is Now to Help was founded by a local businessman who knew extreme poverty as a child. With the help of donations from the community, The Time is Now is able to help local residents in need.

Dear W.C., I recently moved back to the area to care for my mother and handicapped brother. I was living in another state with my child.

I was working and supported both myself and my child for five years now.

I did OK until the restaurant I was waitressing at went out of business. I tried to find another waitressing job, but they were impossible to find.

Then I got a letter telling me my mother was dying of cancer and they needed me to come home. I was shocked by the letter and came home as soon as I could.

My mother was caring for my handicapped brother on her own. My father died years ago. When I became pregnant, it was too much for my mother to handle, so I moved away.

Whenever I called her, she had nothing nice to say to me. She was upset because she felt I had thrown my future away.

What I came home to shocked me even more. My mother had wasted away to nothing. Caring for my brother was all she could manage to do, and I don’t know how she even did that.

She had always taken good care of our home and our family. The house had fallen into ruin and everything was a mess.

I feel so guilty for not coming home sooner. The assistance and benefits they receive do not even begin to cover their expenses.

My brother and mother both have many medications they need. There are so many things they need I haven’t been able to get. I am so overwhelmed.

On top of all this, I have not been able to find a job. I need to have some income so I can help out more than just the daily needs I am taking care of. We have hardly any food. Our utilities haven’t been paid and neither has the last two month’s rent.

This is so much worse than I ever thought possible.

An overwhelmed daughter

Dear readers, I called this overwhelmed young mother as soon as I opened her letter. I could feel her desperation pouring off the pages. She immediately broke down in tears when she realized who was calling her.

She has found herself at a young age not only caring for a child, but also for her handicapped brother and dying mother. She did not know where to go for help. When I went to see them, she explained more. Her mother told her about The Time Is Now to Help, but never could write the letter herself.

Her mother had never applied for other services that were available to her, because she always said she could do it all herself. That worked for her until she became ill herself.

Now she does not even have the energy to feed herself. She had been sick for a long time before she went to see a doctor. By then, it was too late. She opted for no treatment and only has a short time left.

She weakly told me she did not want to burden her daughter with her illness. She said she knows her daughter worked hard to raise her child herself. She said she regrets all the discouraging words she said to her and wishes she could have back all the years they spent apart. The mother was so weak she could no longer speak.

I watched as her daughter lovingly consoled her and told her she understood. Her life had been filled with hard daily work caring for her home and handicapped child, followed by the death of her husband, making the best of living on the edge of poverty at all times. Her golden years were spent in fear and hunger in our great United States.

I called one of our volunteers, and they brought them several bags of fresh food. I picked up some hot meals. The daughter and I then sat down and went over their finances. They really needed help bringing their utilities and rent payments up to date.

The mother had made several changes to the house herself years ago that made the home much easier for her brother to navigate. She plans on continuing to care for her brother.

We talked about her home health care options, and I referred her to other resources. She is smart and is learning where to turn to for the assistance they need. She has hardly had time to even think about her needs, both emotionally and financially. She said she is determined to find work to support her family, and I believe she will.

Thanks to all of your caring and sharing, we were able to help ease the pain and suffering of several people.

Health and happiness, God bless everyone, W.C.

A very special thank you: Paper Dolls, Ron and Kerrie Vyskocil, James and Janet Happ, Martin O’Brien, Jack and Barb Rowe, Dan and Maureen Winkler, Michael Glass, Bemis Foundation, Margarie Egger, Joseph and Lois Haas, Steve and Margaret Helen Buchanan, John and Sally Dicmas, Lorene Schlie, Leroy Vogt, Drescher Family Charitable Foundation, W.C. Family Resource Center/Food Pantry volunteers, Michael and Sue Borden, Dick and Jean Honeyager, Bill and Lois McEssy, all of you who support The Time Is Now to Help donation boxes, and the businesses that allow our donation boxes.

Anyone who would like a Time Is Now donation box at your business, please call (262)249-7000.

Memorials: Phyllis Weeden and friends in memory of Ken Weeden; Tom and Susan Stelling in memory of Jeff and Julie Partridge’s wedding anniversary.

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