Everything must go!
--In the news, as reported by the Associated Press
Looking for bargains? Looking for great deals?
Well, what are you waiting for? C’mon down! C’mon down to “Beat the Recall” Days at your big Wisconsin Law-Mart!
That’s right: It’s “Beat the Recall” Days—and you’re the big winner! We might be losing our majority, but we’re not losing our nerve—no way! In fact, we’re working 24/7 to clear out all our remaining stock of legislation before we have to close our doors for good!
You heard me—everything must go! Every right-wing proposal in our vast warehouse! Every talk-radio favorite you’ve ever wanted to turn into permanent statewide policy—now’s your chance! Just make us an offer!
And here’s the best thing: The more signatures the Democrats collect on those recall petitions, the faster we move our agenda along! No dragged-out hearing schedules. No wasted time letting the opposition get traction. Nosiree—we’re greasing the wheels for instant deals!
Expert analysis? Don’t even think about it! Careful vetting? Who’s got the time? Drop in a bill, rubber-stamp it in committee, rush it to the floor, pass it, sign it. Done! New laws!
Just think of them as going-away presents for our very best customers—you know who you are. And you know you’ve never seen anything like this!
We’re talking all makes, all models!
--Expanding school vouchers!
--Opening wetlands to development!
--Deregulating the phone industry!
That’s right: Voter I.D. and concealed carry! We’ve got ’em both on the fast track! It’s the kind of Wisconsin you’ve always dreamed about: harder to vote, easier to shoot!
Talk about going out with a bang! Caramba!!
You knew it was shaping up to be a special year, didn’t you? Those giant crowds filling the Capitol grounds day and night? Remember all those signs? Remember all those cameras?
Well, “special” doesn’t even begin to describe it—just like “special” doesn’t even begin to describe the deals you’ll find! Once-in-a-lifetime deals! “Beat the Recall” deals!
Let ’em say the “O” in “GOP” stands for “overreach”—we say the “O” stands for “zero,” as in “They’ve got zero chance of stopping us!”
We’re the Masters of the Momentary Mandate, and we’re seizing the moment! We’re holding nothing back—which means you come out ahead!
But deals like this don’t last forever. The clock is ticking, and when our majority’s gone, it’s gone!
So don’t delay! Stop what you’re doing, and hurry on down to “Beat the Recall” Days—going on right now at your big Wisconsin Law-Mart!
Under the dome in Madison, where the results are totally—radical!!!
Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at firstname.lastname@example.org.